


Today I’m Thinking About The Things That Are Deadly

by chocolatecatcupcakecheese



Series: KakaObi Week 2019 (c4) [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Delusions, Gaslighting, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, KakaObi Week 2019, Loss of hope, Medical Experimentation, Minor Character Death, Sorry Not Sorry, Uchiha Madara is an S-Ranked Asshole and Zetsu Needs Some Roundup, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 09:45:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17640410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecatcupcakecheese/pseuds/chocolatecatcupcakecheese
Summary: Obito tries to hold out hope in the cave.For KakaObi Week 2019Day One:Memories|Reincarnation





	Today I’m Thinking About The Things That Are Deadly

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Billie Eilish's excellent new song, "Bury A Friend", which I just heard today.
> 
> This took an unexpected turn from “memories” to “delusions” and then leapt directly into Madara’s and Zetsu’s manipulations of Obito, so **please mind the tags** and use your best judgement about whether to read this or not. It's Dark™.

In the darkness, there is nothing to do but think.

Obito's mind makes monsters out of nothing, and Madara's voice slithers in his ears, leaving him with nothing but a slowly shrinking sanctuary of memories. He loses hope of rescue by the hour, as he vainly counts his heartbeats, losing track of the numbers again and again as he tries to track time.

He tries.

He tries to remember the shape of his friends' smiles, the sound of their voices when they laughed. He tries to remember the taste of real food. He tries to remember the feel of sunlight on his skin.

"Don't you see?" Madara hisses, voice full of vitriol. "There is nothing but the darkness." The old man's voice turns gentle, even as the Zetsus slice at Obito’s mangled body. "There is nothing but suffering in this world. But I will change that."

He argues.

"There are good things! People can be kind! People can love one another! My team loves me, and they will come for me!"

"Love is an illusion," Madara snarls. "A useless thing worth less than nothing."

He pretends.

Painstakingly, he reconstructs days full of training and companionship from what he remembers. He lingers, longing for those times which seemed so boring to him before, when he longed for war, for a chance to be a hero.

"There are no heroes in this world, foolish boy."

Madara spits his poison, and the pain comes again as the Zetsus do something new.

He tries to remember how it felt to be touched in a way that didn't hurt. He tries to remember his team. His family. The feeling of Minato's hand on his hair, gently ruffling. The sound of Rin's laughter. Kakashi's warmth by his side. The pain increases, and his mind reaches for further, more desperate what-ifs. What if when he gets out of here, Minato teaches him the Hiraishin?  


\-- weak, too weak --

What if, when he returns, he and Rin get together?

\-- far too weak, the pain --

What if, when he gets out, Kakashi finally acknowledges him as a rival?

\-- what if Kakashi acknowledges him as something more? --

He realizes.

He seizes on his newly discovered feelings with the desperation of the dying. He dives in, loses himself in the what-ifs and builds himself defenses out of the tiny details still left to him, because what else can he do when everything else around him is  _ still and quiet and dark _ and he can't  _ move _ and every memory sits like  _ ashes in his mouth _ and he would scream from it but his throat is dry and full of dust and he  _ can't even scream— _

What if Kakashi had acknowledged him as something more?

He remembers the specific shade of Kakashi’s hair in the dappled sunlight under the oak trees at the edge of the training ground. He remembers the curve of his cheek beneath his facemask when he smiles. He remembers the deliberately bland tone of voice Kakashi uses just to infuriate him.

Obito builds a dream out of his memories.

Kakashi picks him up from his house and they walk together to the training grounds. It's sunny out

\-- distantly, he hears the sound of rain --

and they spend the morning sparring. They meet Rin and Minato-sensei for lunch at the new ramen stand

\-- he's so thirsty --

and they laugh together. They spend the afternoon in the library, fucking around, and play the game Rin showed them where you open a book to a random page and point at a random word to tell your fortune. They go shopping in the market for vegetables for supper, then go back to Obito’s place.

They chop vegetables side by side, and Obito throws it all together in a pan. Kakashi sneaks slices of eggplant under his mask. They eat at the little rickety table in his house.

\-- he’s forgotten what food even tastes like --

After, they go for a run to the top of the Hokage monument, and watch the stars come out.

They talk about nothing for a while, and it’s sweet and wonderful. He tugs down Kakashi’s facemask and kisses him.

\-- his mind shies away from Kakashi's face, a blank in his mind. He tries harder --

The fabric of Kakashi’s mask is smooth, and his fluffy hair is soft against Obito’s fingers

\-- his fingertips scrape across cold stone --

and when he presses his lips to Kakashi’s, everything is right with the world. They hold hands as they walk back home under the stars.

\-- when can he go home? --

Obito lays out the extra futon and they fall asleep side by side, still holding hands. They’re together to calm each other’s nightmares and neither of them wakes up alone in the morning.

\-- he just wants to go home --

He’s miserable, and the memories fade day by day, as time passes and passes in eternity following eternity.

It's weak, so weak of him, but he clings to his peaceful fantasy. When he gets out, he can make it a reality.

He stumbles outside, supported by the Zetsus, so much more monstrous in the daylight than they were as shapeless things moving in the darkness.

He watches as Kakashi shoves his hand through Rin's chest. Watches her slump to the ground. Watches Kakashi hold her as she dies.

It  _ burns. _

His carefully constructed castle of hope and memory crumbles.

He tries to remember, and he knows it's tilted sideways from the truth, tainted by who knows how long in the darkness and the bitterness of this new betrayal.  


He  _ can't. _

Something in him breaks. Tears stream down his face as the Zetsu holds him upright there, helpless to do anything but watch. The memories are too dim in the face of everything else.

"How sad, how sad," the Zetsu croons as it carries him back. "You know Madara could change this. You could help him."

This is his reality now.

Love is worth less than nothing. There is nothing but suffering in this world.

**Author's Note:**

> "The debt I owe / Gotta sell my soul / Cuz I can't say no / No I can't say no / Then my limbs all froze / And my eyes won't close / And I can't say no / I can't say no."
> 
> Consider leaving a comment if I stabbed you directly in the feels. ;) ~~sorrynotsorry~~
> 
> And hey! If you like KakaObi, consider joining the [ KakaObi Thots Discord Server! ](https://discord.gg/kBYs37k) They’re the ones who hosted the challenge week, and the server is full of so many wonderful people, all creating excellent content for the ship.
> 
> If you just want to chill and talk to people about Naruto in general, I mod a server with Dragonpyre for Naruto fans and content creators. It’s small, but full of fun people! Here’s the [ link! ](https://discord.gg/ss4cMkZ)


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